The US ranks 19th out of 100 countries in the world with the highest divorce rate. Divorce can be described as one of life’s most stressful situations that can have long-lasting effects on individuals and families.
When a marriage ends, it’s very common to start doubting love in general, but also yourself. You may blame yourself for the divorce, or you may feel intense feelings of anger, hatred, or sadness toward your ex-spouse. Depending on how your divorce went, these negative and destructive thoughts and feelings can linger for a long time.
Divorced people have experienced loss so it’s no wonder why they might feel nervous about venturing into the world of dating again. But whether you’re thinking about seriously dating someone new or just looking for sex casual encounters may be the best option in the beginning. However, with the right mindset and some preparation, you can make the transition from being single to meeting new people much easier.
Below we share our best advice for those of you who are ready to get back into the dating game after a divorce.
Make Sure You’re Emotionally Ready
We are all different. Some might find themselves ready for dating a year after their divorce while others may need five years before they’re prepared. This is very individual, but in general, you are “ready” when you have stopped reacting strongly to the thought and mention of your ex-partner. Even if the divorce papers are completed, it does not mean that you have moved on emotionally. It takes some time to process your feelings before you feel ready to move on.
It’s also important that you know the reason why you want to start dating again. If it’s to get away from painful feelings like anger, loneliness, or revenge, then you should avoid dating others. The result will still not be satisfactory in the long run.
A sign that it’s time to meet someone new is when you start to accept and even like the idea of going on a date. The timing is right when you start to feel excited about the idea of dating and start talking openly about different proposals with friends and acquaintances.
Set Realistic Expectations
Again, we are all different and have different expectations and desires. So, it’s important that you are always honest with yourself. What do you want out of the relationship and what do you expect? It’s very common to strive for the ‘perfect’ relationship, especially after a divorce. But you have to have realistic expectations. It’s not realistic to start planning a future together after only the first or second date. Or to assume that you will find your soulmate right away. But, for some people, this may not be impossible.
You cannot also expect your new date to ignore everything else in their life to prioritize you and your needs. Or to assume that a new relationship won’t have any problems or challenges. Instead, use your new dating period as an opportunity to learn more about yourself and the new life that you are now trying to create for yourself.
Stay Positive
It can be hard to keep a positive attitude, especially if you’re the one who got abandoned. Never blame yourself for the divorce and feel that there is something ‘wrong’ with you or that you cannot meet someone who is a good match. This is not a good mindset. It only leads to attracting exactly what you most dislike or fear, and your mood will sink to the bottom. And who wants to date a person who is sad or angry all the time?
It’s up to you not to limit your chances of finding love. Have enough self-discipline towards yourself and stop thinking about negative scenarios. Otherwise, you will only be disappointed again and again by the world out there. Visualize a big red stop sign every time you catch yourself thinking destructively, as this will help you shift and reduce negative thoughts activity. The more optimistic you are, the more positive and happy people you will attract.
Don’t Introduce Your New Partner to Your Family Right Away
Dating becomes more difficult when you have children. You should spend at least six months getting to know someone before introducing them to your children. Introducing someone to your children too early can cause confusion, anxiety, and distress. You should get to know the person you’re dating and let them prove that they’re committed to this relationship before bringing them home.
Final Thoughts
Divorced people have experienced loss and may feel hesitant about getting back into the dating game. By understanding your own needs and expectations, and taking time to explore different types of relationships, you can make sure that you find someone compatible with you on all levels. With the right approach, dating after divorce can be an amazing opportunity for growth and self-discovery.